


Literal Oneshot

by talesofthelovelorn



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Zombie Apocalypse, some fluff if you look hard enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 04:11:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11547219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesofthelovelorn/pseuds/talesofthelovelorn
Summary: "Now, while Taemin lay shaking, covered in a layer of sweat, dirt and blood with a perfect row of teeth marks in his arm, they had no idea what to do."The zombie AU that no one asked for.





	Literal Oneshot

**Author's Note:**

> So this was actually the first fic I ever wrote but just sat there until I got inspired to finish it for Taemin's b'day. Happy birthday Taemin!

On the day when it began the group all fell into their roles naturally. Jinki had assumed the role of the leader his calming presence preventing the imminent panic attacks that were likely to occur. He was all comforting smiles, soft words and gentle pats on the shoulder but beneath the calm outward exterior the members knew that he was to be taken seriously. Whenever there was a problem Jinki was not only the first person to identify it, but to also keep a clear head and solve it especially when there were inevitable personality clashes. Ultimately whatever he said the group would follow, knowing that in the end Jinki knew best. 

Jonghyun had surprisingly become the mood maker of the group even though he was prone to the occasional fit of tears. He was in generally good spirits trying to keep the mood light by joking around, pulling silly pranks or when the time called for it, whispering sweet nothings to the members with his smooth voice while he gently stroked their hair. While he himself often struggled to maintain calm Jonghyun provided that feeling of security for the other members. 

Kibum after the initial wave of shock was surprisingly calm and level-headed, able to come up with the safest strategies to acquire weapons and protect themselves, whilst also being a natural navigator. He boasted it was due to his extensive travels and during their journeys would point out a drooping tree or a decrepit shack that somehow reminded him of ‘this one place in Europe’ . By know the rest knew Kibum was trying his best to distract them from the horrors of seeing rotting bodies littering the streets, but they paid attention all the same. It was much nicer to imagine themselves getting lost in the streets of Paris rather than the bloodied streets of Seoul. 

Minho was fiercely protective almost to a fault and while his intimidating exterior and fiery temper made him seem like a formidable opponent to others, the members knew that to protect his disposition they must protect themselves lest he allow himself to be affected by their moods. Out of all of them he’d had the closest calls, always jumping in the way of danger to protect the others. Even the scolding from the members after wouldn’t be able to get rid of the smile on his face knowing that he’d protected the most precious people in his life.

Lastly, Taemin was a lot of things, stubborn, quick-witted and sometimes downright infuriating to the rest but importantly, more than anything he was their motivation. When things were too hard and they felt close to giving up, their want and need to protect the younger spurred them on. Taemin much like Jonghyun was the unintentional mood maker of the group, his mischievous smile and bright sparkling eyes pulled smiles from his members even on the most strenuous days. They adored him for it and had put their lives on the line many times for him with no regrets because they had no idea what they’d do without him. But it was for that exact reason that now, while Taemin lay shaking, covered in a layer of sweat, dirt and blood with a perfect row of teeth marks in his arm, they had no idea what to do.

*****

They had been travelling for a few hours after their last encounter with a small horde when Taemin first felt the throbbing in his arm, the adrenaline finally wearing off and allowing him to feel the extent of his injuries. They left the small village they were hiding in that morning, making their way towards the city in the hopes that the could reach the quarantined zone. It was rumoured there was food and shelter for the remaining citizens and even though they were skeptical it was better than waiting in one place to die. Following the line of trees, Kibum lead them at the front using his natural sense of direction to guide them towards Daegu, his hometown. For months the group had been travelling, covering painfully small amounts of ground each day to reach safety and they were finally nearing it, Kibum beginning to recognise the outskirts of his former home. 

He had been in Seoul with the rest of the members when it began and still hasn’t been able to contact his family back home yet, fear gradually closing this throat each day that passes. It was in the moment of Kibum’s wistful reminiscing that he missed the first sign of danger, a barely audible groan emerging from the line of trees they had been following. Suddenly he felt strong arms push him out of the way as the sound of clacking teeth came too close for comfort. He looked up from his spot on the ground with wide eyes as he watched Minho extracting his knife from the temple of the first walker. 

“Hyung get UP”, yelled Taemin as he swiftly ran past Kibum to dispose of the others that were staring to appear - attracted by the sound and smell of humans. 

Regaining his senses Kibum jumped up and headed to the other two members who were easily holding their own, running past Jinki who reached back to pass Kibum another knife while at the same time decapitating what was now his third walker. Kibum expertly twirled the knife in his hand, bringing it down in an arc to slash at the neck of another. From the corner of his eyes he could see Jonghyun smirking as he side kicked a walker, hearing the sick crunch of ribs before the older twisted, throwing one of his knives into the eyes of another that was approaching Taemin. 

Taemin was ferociously holding his own, teeth gritted and body tense, mentally calculating his next move as he was slowly surrounded by three walkers. Jinki was about to call out before he saw Jonghyun leap beside Taemin creating enough of an opening for them to finish the three walkers in a grotesque spray of blood. Jonghyun placed his boot on a walkers’ mangled face pulling his knife out when he heard a strained grunt come from behind him. His eyes widened when he turned to see a weaponless Minho pick himself off the ground and back up against a tree, eyes frantically searching for an exit. 

To both Jonghyun and Minho’s relief Taemin was by Minho’s side in an instant, tense, coiled and ready to attack. He launched himself, pushing away a snapping walker his his bare hands before swivelling to decapitate the other, trusting with his life that Minho would be able to handle the remainder. He was proven correct when he heard the loud crack of the older man snapping a neck with his bare hands and Taemin grinned sadistically at the carnage. 

It only took a few more minutes between the five of them to clear the remaining stragglers. Panting heavily they counted their blessings, about fifteen in total to be exact. Afterwards covered in dirt, blood and sweat their bodies pumping with adrenaline, they let our sighs of relief that they had all fortunately come out unscathed. Or so they thought. 

Now hours later Taemin was left wondering where in that mess of blood and gore he’d been dumb enough to get injured. Perhaps it was when he’d leapt over to Minho pushing away a walker his his bare hand or when he’d gotten cocky and took on two at once before Jonghyun came to help. With these thoughts flying around in his head Taemin paused and excused himself from the others with an abrupt “gotta piss” before briskly walking to the nearest tree. As he took care of his business, back facing his members as they kept watch nearby, he subtly began to roll up the sleeve on his shirt. His eyes widened at the throb of pain he felt as the material brushed against a wound on his arm. 

He looked up hoping and squeezed his eyes shut, wholeheartedly praying that it was another dumb injury like he’d gotten last week when he’d cut himself jumping over a barbed wire fence. He’d wanted to prove to the others that “you can just as easily go over why do we need to crawl and get our clothes dirty?”. However it seemed his God was not listening - as was the norm these days - and his blood ran cold as he looked down. An ugly red swollen area was raised on his arm, obvious teeth marks lethargically oozing blood. He could feel hysterical laughter bubbling up in this throat at the absurdity of the situation before he managed to cut it off with a cough. 

“Hey Taem you alright?”, Jonghyun called out. Taemin cleared his throat realising that he’d long since finished and from their point of view he was just standing there holding his dick out staring at it. 

“Yeah, m’fine!”, he yelled back, re-covering his arm as he zipped up his pants to head back to the group. Jinki caught his eyes and for a moment he panicked thinking that he knew, but that wasn’t possible considering Taemin himself just realised. But then again it was Jinki. He internally cursed his inability to control his facial expressions and composed his face into what he’d hoped was a calm facade.

“Don’t worry,” Jinki reassured “we only have two more hours before we have to stop anyway”, his smooth voice somewhat calming Taemin’s nerves. 

He gave a stiff nod before they continued moving. What was he meant to do? How is he supposed to tell them? As they continued walking Taemin calculated in his mind how much time he had before he should make his escape. There was no way he was going to let himself turn, but there was no way they would let him kill himself. It was one of the first rules that they’d made as a group - if one of them was bitten they would not hold the burden alone, the rest would be there for the end. 

They’d encountered the horde maybe three hours ago. Taemin knew everyone’s turning times are different and he shuddered as he remembered watching his childhood friend Jongin, slowly deteriorate over the course of two days before he finally turned. The pain of seeing the light in those warm eyes fade and Jongin’s smile morph into a scowl made his chest hurt and he rubbed at his chest, aching from the memory. 

Taemin was snapped out of his thoughts as he heard Jonghyun giggling while he ran just out of Kibum’s reach, probably after making some lame pass at him. He loved them. He really truly loved them with his whole being and he knew that it probably didn’t come close to how much they loved him in return. Finding out would definitely break their hearts and he couldn’t bear to do that. No, Taemin decided, he couldn’t let them know. 

As Taemin was reassuring himself that when night fell he would quietly slip away and do the deed, Minho fell into step beside him. 

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”  he questioned glancing at Taemin’s frown, “maybe we should rest earlier.” 

At this, the rest of the members turned to look at the youngest and he could feel his arm throb almost like a neon sign that read ‘DANGER’ hidden under his sleeve. 

Taemin tried to give the most reassuring smile he could, “No I’m fine, it’s just the shock wearing off”. 

He had to convince them to keep moving. The earlier they stopped the harder it would be to keep his secret, because as much as he hated to admit it his members could read him like a book. Without a solid blanket of nightfall it would also be harder to sneak away.

“Seriously guys I’m just tired” he said again trying his best to seem fine when really his stomach was churning with anxiety. 

A small sigh of relief escaped his lips when Kibum walked up to him and handed him a slightly squashed muesli bar. 

“Here… you must be hungry it’s been a while since we ate”

At that the group kept moving. A relieved Taemin looked at the bar in his hand feeling slightly guilty… what was the point of eating if you were about to die?

As they continued their journey, the sun slowly falling towards the horizon, Taemin could feel his limbs growing weaker and his breathing harsher. He struggled to not show any discomfort on his face as the controlled his breathing - inhale through the nose 1, 2, 3, hold, exhale through the mouth, 1, 2, 3. He repeated the mantra that Jinki used on him in the past. There had been many times when he’d lose control of his breathing without realising, finding himself hunched over panicking that his chest was about to burst. In the moments after Taemin would realise, it was Jinki who was in front of him guiding him to follow and control the pace of his breathing. Forcing himself to focus on what Jinki had taught him Taemin could feel sweat starting to collect and slowly trickle down his back. How much time has passed? 6 hours?

“We’re here”, Kibum stated and they all looked to see a small decrepit house with boarded up windows, wrapped in a snug layer of barbed wire. The relief on Taemin’s face must have been evident as Jonghyun nudged him in his side. 

“Maybe we’ll get to sleep in an actual bed tonight” he said, grinning at the prospect of sleeping on something softer than Jinki’s arm. Taemin let out a small smile at that, they’d been sleeping in various places for the past few months none of which ‘provide the appropriate postural support and stop laughing Taemin that is why I’m so short’ as Jonghyun would put it. 

“Yeah just don’t be a dumbass this time and climb over the fence,” Kibum said, pulling a chuckle and an eye roll from Jonghyun and Taemin respectively. 

“He’s right Taem,” Minho gently scolded “it hurts us when you’re hurt you know” . 

He grasped Taemin’s forearms, softly shaking the younger boy to make his point. At this Taemin completely froze, eyes widening not from the guilt inducing words but from the grip placed right above the marks on his cloth covered arm. The blood on his sleeve wasn’t suspicious since they were all covered but surely Minho could feel the raised ridges of his skin. As the older man’s eyes widened Taemin gulped, mentally mapping the best route to run from the group. He’d been so close. 

“I’m so sorry Taemin!” Minho gasped as he quickly released his arms. He reached and gently rolled up the sleeve on Taemin’s left arm and inspecting the previous weeks wound. 

“I didn’t hurt it too much did I?” 

Taemin’s heart was pounding wildly in his chest and unable to form words he dumbly shook his head. Minho gave a relieved smile and lifted the previously injured arm to his lips, placing the lightest kiss on the scratch. 

By this point Kibum and Jinki had managed to wrench open a small part of the fence and called the rest over, holding it open while they slipped through one by one before making their way towards the dilapidated house. At one time it would have been a cute cottage, something that could have served as a continental bed and breakfast for couples looking for a quiet weekend getaway. But now with the peeling paint, boarded up windows and overgrown garden the abandoned house almost seemed sinister in its loneliness. 

“How’d you know about this place?” asked Jonghyun, but all they received in return was a wistful smile from Kibum that told them they didn’t really want the answer. They were close to his hometown after all. 

They entered the house as the oppressive blanket of night quickly fell behind them. Jonghyun rushed up the creaky stairs and called “shotgun on the bed!” while Kibum rolled his eyes but continued his ascent to no doubt claim the other side if it was large enough. While Minho and Jinki unpacked the food to prepare dinner for everyone, Taemin stood in the middle of the living area making a mental note of the layout. 

Suddenly his vision flickered and he lurched to the side just barely managing to regain his balance. His slip up didn’t go unnoticed however and Minho instantly rushed to him while Jinki observed him curiously.

“Taemin?!” Minho called as he rushed over to the younger. Shit shit shit, he didn’t know how much more time he had before it would become too obvious. The urgency in Minho’s voice brought Jonghyun and Kibum rushing back downstairs as they observed the scene. 

“Taemin. How are you feeling?” Jinki called, his usually calm voice holding an uneasy edge to it. 

“It’s n-nothing I’m okay sorry”, Taemin lied, hoping that he could use his pout to his advantage. “It’s just late and we haven’t eaten or rested yet”. 

At this Minho’s eyes softened and he lead the youngest to the dusty suspiciously stained couch to sit before he went back to help Jinki whose eyes hadn’t moved from the youngest. Kibum and Jonghyun sat on either side of Taemin their arms casually draped over the younger in an overly protective manner and for the first time today Taemin finally allowed himself to relax. He sank deeper into the stained couch cushions appreciating the warmth radiating from the other two and tried with all his might not to think about anything except their comforting presence. 

Later, while they ate their gourmet meal of cold canned beans Taemin took the chance to subtly observe each person one last time. His gaze first landed on Kibum who through the smeared blood and dirt decorating his face was still somehow radiantly beautiful. He’d been the first person that Taemin opened himself up to, and allowed to dote on him in the slightly neurotic way Kibum tends to do. Taemin hoped that Kibum was able to feel how much he appreciated it, even when he would usually pout and groan. 

While he watched, Kibum let out a full bodied laugh at Jinki’s “I CANnot BEANlieve you don’t appreciate my cooking” clapping his hands and crumpling forwards barely being caught by the older before he fell off the couch with his enthusiasm. 

“That was your worst one yet Jinks”, Jonghyun stated scrunching his nose in distaste as Kibum wiped tears of mirth from his eyes, settling back into the couch. Jinki just smiled in response in that way that made everyone who saw it warm inside. 

Taemin worried sometimes, that Jinki was taking on too much, that he wouldn’t tell them if he were struggling. Something about Jinki was slowly unhinging and it had only gotten worse over the past few months. Perhaps the strain of keeping everyone together meant that he was steadily falling apart. Taemin worried that his death might be the final blow that breaks Jinki, but watching him in the fading light, the genuine smile on his face reassured him that there was nothing to worry about. Jinki would always be fine because he had to be, but he didn’t mind it that way - he would always catch them before they fell. 

In the corner of his eyes Taemin saw Minho softly smiling at the scene before him. Taemin watched as Minho’s eyes sparkled at the others and remembered how ridiculously handsome he thought Minho was when they first met. He wished he could tell him again. He wished he could tell him that he loved the softness that had somehow persevered through all of this. That he loved him and his stupid temper tantrums when Taemin lied about how many walkers he’d killed, winning the silent competition between them. He loved everything and Taemin was buzzing to tell him however, his thoughts were interrupted when Jonghyun’s voice softly filled the space. 

Jonghyun’s personality was a front for moments like this, moments when the world was still and he gently crooned, his soft voice unravelling the day’s tension. Jonghyun had started singing every dinner a few months ago when Kibum had a panic attack in the middle of eating; he’d used his voice to calm the younger down and noticed the effect it had on the others too. From then on Jonghyun would sing every time something stressful happened, sometimes an uplifting tune when their legs were weary, or at times like this when they day had dragged on just slightly too long, a melancholy tune would flow out of his lips. 

The way his body gently swayed as his eyes fluttered to a close was mesmerising and Taemin had to push past the lump in his throat to swallow the food he didn’t deserve anyway. He didn’t want them to be suspicious of him so he finished the remainder of his meal in a reverent silence, wordlessly apologising to each one of them for everything he’d never said and everything he was about to do. 

After dinner they’d tidied up after themselves Taemin deciding to help without protest for once, amusing his members as they laughed wondering what had gotten into their usually stubborn maknae. Taemin could feel the strength slowly sapping out of him, his legs beginning to drag as he finished his cleaning and was relieved to no end when he heard Jinki’s announcement. 

“This place is safest we’ve found in a while. So for once I think he might be able to all get a full nights sleep”. 

The declaration was met with tired smiles from the others as their shoulder slumped with relief at not having the ‘night shift’ so to speak. Taemin however, saw an opportunity 

“Jinki, you can never be too careful… I’ll take the first watch” he stated seriously. 

He knew that Jinki wouldn’t say it was safe if it wasn’t true so his fears of leaving them alone later were quelled for the time being. Kibum looked ready to protest, having observed the exhaustion slowly creeping over Taemin the entire day but Jinki nodded in affirmation before he could say anything more. 

“Fine Taemin takes first watch. When you get tired wake me up” he said, eyes slightly narrowing to take in Taemin’s pallid face before he nodded again. Taemin swallowed harshly and tried to ignore his sense of unease.

The group later gathered in the small bedroom, two mattresses pushed together making enough room for all five to lie down somewhat comfortably if they wanted to sleep at the same time. Taemin set himself up by the window watching as the moon rose, shimmering calmly as it illuminated the night. 

As the rest settled onto the bed Jonghyun made this rounds and kissed each of the members on the forehead whispering a reverent “sweet dreams, I love you” that was always met with a sleepy smile and “goodnight, I love you too”. Taemin always scrunched his nose at the cheesiness of it but tonight when Jonghyun finally reached him he let his eyes shut and felt as his breath hitched with the soft press of lips to head. 

“Rest well… I love you too”, he responded sincerely shocking Jonghyun who by this point was used to a discontented grumble and a palm to the chest gently pushing him away. As he pulled back Taemin could feel Jonghyun’s breath on his face and he slowly opened his eyes to see wide sparkling ones staring back at him in adoration. 

He huffed a laugh “you’re too cheesy hyung”. At this Jonghyun’s already wide smile grew even larger. 

“There’s the Taemmie I know” he lifted his hand to ruffle Taemin’s hair, although with slightly less vigour than usual. 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay Tae?”, Kibum called from where he was sprawled on the mattress, slightly shifting to make room for Jonghyun. Minho was already softly snoring, the hard chest that Kibum was snuggled up on gently rising and falling in time with his snuffles. 

“Yeah I’m sure,” Taemin smiled. He hoped that Kibum wouldn’t resent him too much. 

“Goodnight Hyungs,” Taemin whispered, receiving a chorus of “goodnight” “I love you” “wake me if you need me” and a snore in response. 

Taemin spent the next hour watching as each member fell into a fitful sleep, sighing as he saw Jonghyun trapped in another nightmare and wishing he could be there when he eventually woke up with tear stained eyes. He shook his head and solidified his resolve before he could think for too long, starting to move towards the door and downstairs as quietly as he could. He took one final look back to the sleeping forms and whispered a quiet “I’m sorry” as he squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed past the lump in his throat. Jonghyun let out a sniffle and rolled over throwing his arm around Jinki, seeking the leaders’ warmth. The the small frown that was beginning to appear on the Jinki’s face softened and his arms tightened unconsciously around Jonghyun’s body. Taemin swallowed past the lump in his throat and felt a hot tear slip down his face. 

He left without another thought - if he hesitated anymore he wouldn’t be able to leave. Once downstairs he blindly grabbed everything that he’d need - a length of rope and a pistol with only a single round incase that didn’t work - and made his way towards the front door. He quietly praised himself for his agility and stealth that had never been more useful than it was now. 

As he reached the front door Taemin’s vision blurred again but this time he wasn’t able to catch himself before his knees hit the hardwood underneath him. Shit shit shit. Taemin held his breath for what felt like an eternity straining to listen to any sounds from upstairs or outside before he realised that wasn’t really helping his lightheadedness. He was mentally tracking how much time has passed and at 12 hours he knew he was pushing his luck. Taemin was beginning to feel the strain on his body now, a light sheen of sweat was beginning to form on his skin and his already laboured breathing was quickening. Right on queue his arm started throbbing as a small trickle of blood descended down his arm and he watched in fascination as it rolled down his fingertip and onto the floor. He had to leave. 

As he moved to stand up he heard a soft voice behind him.

“You can’t do this”.

Taemin’s face somehow paled even more than it was already as he turned to see Jinki a few meters away. 

“J-Jinki…”, he stammered, eyes darting between the door and the older man. Maybe he could still make it maybe he could- 

A single tear escaped Jinki’s eyes and Taemin shuffled back towards the door only to lose all strength in his limbs, this time ending up in a crumpled heap as his arms also struggled to support his weight. His mind was screaming at him now get up get up getupgetupgetup but his legs refused to cooperate and he could feel his body shaking as he feared the worst. 

“Please…Don’t tell them… the others don’t let the-”

“Don’t tell us what?” came a voice from behind Jinki. 

Kibum was sleepily rubbing his eyes with a frown on his face, grumbling at being disturbed the one night he had the opportunity to sleep somewhere comfortable. He was at the top of the stairs blearily making his slow descent not realising the gravity of the situation. When no response came from either Taemin or Jinki, Kibum froze his eyes suddenly widening, taking in the scene before him. Taemin scrunched his eyes shut please no as Kibum let out a yell that seared his now noticeably sensitive ears. A yell that was also sure to wake up the other two upstairs. 

Surely enough a few seconds later he heard heavy footsteps as Jonghyun and Minho came stumbling down the stairs tripping over their sleep heavy limbs. The effect of their rumpled hair and sleepy faces while holding two shotguns had Taemin barking out an involuntary laugh which shot pain through his whole body. This was ridiculous. This was exactly what he’d wanted to avoid. He started laughing harder at the absurdity of the situation, staring at his members’ stricken faces before he started coughing, the hand that he’d used to cover his mouth coming away bloody. Oh. 

Taemin hadn’t really thought what to expect if they’d found out, he didn’t consider it a possibility, but what happened next was definitely not it. Since the beginning they’d devised plans for what to do if one of them got bitten, the general consensus being that they’d rather die before turning. If anything they’d always used it as a joke fighting over who would get to kill who when someone was being particularly annoying. 

Taemin had expected screaming, maybe a scolding for how he could be stupid enough to let himself get bitten, but what he hadn’t expected was the deafening silence that followed. Almost as if the world stopped turning no one moved or breathed until Taemin let out a wet shaky laugh, wincing as even the most basic human functions were becoming increasingly difficult. 

Then the world started turning again. Jonghyun collapsed to his knees at the foot of the stairs while Minho stepped forward dropping his gun and grabbing a near hyperventilating Kibum. He began whispering gently in his ear over and over again “it’s okay it’ll be okay it’s okay” while Kibum was shaking his head “no no no this is my fault”. But it was not okay Jinki knew, as he stared down at Taemin who was now sweating profusely and straining to breathe on the floor between bloody coughs that shook his small frame. 

Taemin looked up with pleading eyes “Please…”, before he was cut off with a cough that wracked his whole body. He just needed help to get outside, he could still do it he just needed someone to get him outside he just needed… 

Hot tears started spilling down his face when he realised his limbs were no longer listening to him. He knew there was no way they were going to let him go and now there was no way he could run either. Part of him was relieved as he admitted he was scared… really, really fucking scared. 

Jinki stepped forward and knelt next to Taemin’s head, looking down with tearful eyes and he moved Taemin’s head to rest in his lap, cradling it like the most delicate fine china. 

“Hyung what do we do?”, Minho’s shaky voice came from behind Jinki, still holding onto Kibum’s shoulders as the other struggled to slow his breathing. 

“I…I don’t …know”, Jinki whispered. He was scared to admit it to himself but if it had been any of the other members in his lap right now he would know what to do. He’d pick the gun up himself and give them the dignified end they all wanted. But here with Taemin shaking in his lap, he saw the weedy 15 year old boy with the cheeky smile and sparkling eyes. The kid that he’d promised to protect all those years ago. The kid that they had all grown to love. 

Taemin let out a groan, his eyes rolling back into his head as a wave of pain washed over his body and Kibum snapped out of his panic stumbling and landing hard on his knees next to Jinki. He reached his fingers to gently brush back Taemin’s sweaty bangs, biting his bottom lip to hold back the sobs that were now threatening to spill out of his mouth. 

“Taemin… is there anything you need?” he whispered, afraid of what the younger would say.

Taemin let out a weak noise of agreement, collecting himself to speak. 

“…my gun… nd….outside” 

Taemin choked and that was all it took for him to start crying again, breaths now coming in short, laboured gasps. His eyes scrunched shut and his chest heaved with the effort of not screaming as another wave of pain washed over him.

“Taemin no”, Minho stated surprisingly calm, his voice gentle “you know how we planned this.” 

And Taemin did he knew but he also knew that they saw him differently to the other members. He had no qualms using it in the past to get out of cleaning or getting an extra portion of food, but now when it came to his life he knew that it was killing them inside. 

“Then…?” Kibum asked, scared to finish his sentence and give voice to the horrifying reality of what they were going to have to do. He looked towards Jinki who hadn’t taken his eyes off Taemin still cradling the younger in his lap, for the first time in years their leader had no answers. Kibum considered for a second how the weight of the gun would feel in his hands before he watched as another wave of pain flooded over Taemin, this time the younger barely able to suppress the groans of pain through clenched teeth. No he couldn’t. 

“Me”, called a voice from behind them and they collectively remembered that Jonghyun had also come downstairs with Minho. They turned to look towards him with wide eyes as Jonghyun’s now tear stained face stumbled closer to the group. 

“You were gonna try and do this yourself weren’t you?” he addressed Taemin, watching as the younger grimaced straining to nod his head. 

Jonghyun let out a wet chuckle “you’re an idiot,” he scolded fondly “you know disappearing wouldn’t have been better for us.” 

Hot tears were now flowing freely from Taemin’s eyes mingling with the caked dirt and blood on his face and rolling onto his cheeks before flowing into his sweat matted hair. He didn’t want this he didn’t want any of them to feel guilty but…he finally admitted didn’t want to die alone either. He looked toward the pistol that was lying abandoned on the floor, its once comforting gleam much more sinister now he knew it would truly be pointed at him. 

Jonghyun stepped forward grabbing said pistol in his shaking hands and kneeled on the other side of Jinki, joining Kibum in stroking Taemin’s hair soothingly. He looked at the rest of the members and as they met the resolve in Jonghyun’s eyes each one of them crumpled allowing the sobs they were desperately holding back, to escape from their lips. Jonghyun… he was going to do it. 

For the first time in their lives they saw Jinki unabashedly sob as he bent his head forward, planting a salty kiss on Taemin’s lips a choked “I love you” escaping before Kibum let out a wail. He crumpled following Jinki’s lead, placing a chaste kiss on Taemin’s lips strangled noises spilling from the both of them as they tried to communicate the depth of emotions that they’d never voiced aloud. Taemin’s eyes were rolling back in his head now and his gaze was becoming hazy, more pained groans escaping his lips as the strength to hold them back had finally left.

Minho’s calm exterior broke and he leaned forwards whispering sweet nothings his his lips fluttered across Taemin’s face, tears and kisses spilling in equal frequency. His normally smiling face was twisted into an ugly display of heartbreak that would have made the other members cry if they weren’t already. 

Taemin was visibly shaking now a pool of sweat collecting in the middle of his beautifully delicate collarbones, his eyes shifting in and out of focus. 

“I…I-I’m sorry,” he ground out using the last of his remaining strength to say goodbye, he wouldn’t be needing it anymore. He wasn’t going to make it outside, he wasn’t going to be able to do this himself anymore. “I love you”, Taemin whispered before another white hot wave of pain washed over him finally pulling a shrill scream from his lips. 

Kibum choked out a sob fingers digging into Jinki and Minho’s arms while Jonghyun bent over and started softly singing the same tune he would always use when one of them couldn’t sleep. His lips slowly closed over Taemin’s for a brief moment before he continued singing softly moving the younger out of Jinki’s lap and into his own. 

The other three were all wrecked now, unrestrained noises falling out of them and Jonghyun kept singing, his voice stable even as tears leaked out of his eyes. He pulled Taemin close to his chest rocking him as the younger letting out another scream of pain his body spasming and finger painfully grasping onto Jonghyun’s shoulders. Jonghyun knew he didn’t have much time left. 

He cocked the pistol and placed it against the side of Taemin’s head making sure he was aiming away from the others and himself. He continued singing sweetly voice beginning to waver and as Taemin whispered a small “thank you” he squeezed the trigger. 

In that moment Jonghyun was sure the world had stopped spinning to mourn. A sweet melody kept spilling out of Jonghyun’s mouth now each syllable broken by a choked sob as he dropped the gun and cradled Taemin’s body close. He could feel hot blood spilling out of the hole he’d left in Taemin’s head running down his arms and onto the floor.

For the rest of the night he sat on the hard floor shaking and holding Taemin’s body, the other three too scared to look at or away from the gory scene. It was a few hours later when Jonghyun finally collapsed and let out a scream of agony that the others jumped into action, trying to extract Taemin from Jonghyun’s arms replacing it with their living warmth. When his arms tightened their grip on the limp body they settled for littering kisses along his face that tasted like salt. They whispered “thank you’s” that Jonghyun couldn’t stand to hear for fear he would never forget the way Taemin had said those words before he ended the younger’s life. They hovered over Taemin’s body and the four of them held him until the sun rose, mocking them with it’s cheerful brightness. 

The proceeding day Jinki was the first to move, peeling Jonghyun’s fingers back from Taemin’s now stiffened and steadily cooling body while Kibum used a wet cloth to clean the dried blood that stained Jonghyun’s arms and chest. Meanwhile, a freshly tear stained Minho took a shovel outside to dig a shallow grave, a luxury most people weren’t privy to these days. They each wordlessly collected together and delicately carried Taemin’s body out into the world, the final time the sun would face any competition in being the brightest thing to touch the Earth.

Kibum brushed Taemin’s hair back, covering the gory mess that Jonghyun had created while the rest wrapped him in a blanket. They knew that even in death Taemin would loathe the idea of dirt and worms getting on his bare skin. As Jinki began to shovel dirt over the small body, a task he’d asked to do alone as the leader he vowed to himself that he would protect the other members with his life. He didn’t care if he couldn’t make it to Daegu as long as the rest of them did. He silently promised to himself and the others they would never have to do this again although, Jinki didn’t realise just how soon he would break that promise.

**Author's Note:**

> yikes.... anyway please leave feedback. constructive comments are always appreciated but please be gentle ^^  
> I was thinking of maybe writing another chapter or two but I'm not sure so lmk if you'd like to see more.


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